Rules To Avoid A Hangover

I am hung over.

I know, I know. It’s not clever. I have taken Alka Seltzer. The prospect of a fry up, frankly, turns my stomach. Thai food could help. But the prognosis is grim.

I am hung over because I broke The Rules.

The Rules are many. They exist for a reason: to keep you safe. And they are largely undocumented. So, to assist you, the drinking public, here are some of them:—

1. Don’t drink with Australians.
2. When someone says “how about tequila/mezcal shots?”, it is not a good idea.
3. Don’t drink with chefs.
4. A fifth martini is never a smart choice. Dorothy Parker stopped her little poem at four for a reason.
5. Don’t stay for a lock-in on St. Patrick’s Day.
6. Have I mentioned the thing about the tequila?
7. Don’t drink with Scandinavians, especially if there’s vodka involved.
8. When someone says, “Have you tried…?”, just don’t go there, it will only end in suffering.
9. Don’t drink with actors.
10. Don’t drink.