I am hung over.
I know, I know. It’s not clever. I have taken Alka Seltzer. The prospect of a fry up, frankly, turns my stomach. Thai food could help. But the prognosis is grim.
I am hung over because I broke The Rules.
The Rules are many. They exist for a reason: to keep you safe. And they are largely undocumented. So, to assist you, the drinking public, here are some of them:—
- Don’t drink with Australians.
- When someone says “how about tequila/mezcal shots?”, it is not a good idea.
- Don’t drink with chefs.
- A fifth martini is never a smart choice. Dorothy Parker stopped her little poem at four for a reason.
- Don’t stay for a lock-in on St. Patrick’s Day.
- Have I mentioned the thing about the tequila?
- Don’t drink with Scandinavians, especially if there’s vodka involved.
- When someone says, “Have you tried…?”, just don’t go there, it will only end in suffering.
- Don’t drink with actors.
- Don’t drink.